7/23/2010

Busy balancing my humility with my false humility

5/18/2010

 Funkharp School of the Ninja: Currently accepting applications. $25 application fee.  Applicant must provide his/her own black Keds sneakers

1/31/2010

How come nobody uses the word "penultimate" anymore?  I swear I'm going to bring that word back into popularity even if it's the second to last thing I do. 

1/11/2010

Evolution?

12/31/2009

 I heard a voice in my head tell me a brief poem today. I believe it to be an imagery/imagist-type poem.  The voice in my head had a slow southern black accent.  This was the poem:
    ... playing cards, barbecues in backyards

12/9/2009

 Funkharp Malt Liquor: Throw Caution to the Wind and Get Loaded.  
Drink Responsibly.  Not an actual product.

12/8/2009

 End Road Work   We can all agree that roadwork is an annoyance that leads to major traffic congestion.  For years now, I've waged a campaign of guerilla warfare against road and highway construction.  As soon as I pass any roadside maintenance, I make sure to get out of my vehicle and post a bright orange sign that reads "END ROAD WORK."  Don't let road work slow you down any longer.

10/21/2009

 If aliens came to Earth and were wise and kind enough to befriend us, would we befriend them?  Certainly there would be the most extreme symptom of xenophobia and misunderstanding to surmount.  And if we did ultimately become amiable or even sympathetic to the alien condition, could we forge a mutually beneficial alliance with them?  And if by a most unusual circumstance, mankind were to discover that the flesh of our alien friends, when cooked, was the most exquisite taste of any meat available, would we dine on the harvested carcasses of those aliens?

9/28/2009

 What rhymes with "Whirling Dervish"?

9/14/2009

Taylor Swift Rift with Sanjay West
I try to avoid any programs on which celebrities or other recognizable people appear, but did anybody else watch the MTV Video Music Awards last night?  When Taylor Swift was presented with the award for best female video, a sort of awkward suburban cowboy, Sanjay West, jumped onto the stage to interrupt Swift's acceptance speech and praise the music video of another nominee, Beyonce.  Beyonce's video did win Video of the Year later in the evening.  So I say, "Kudos" to Sanjay and his spot on instincts.  Way to call it, dude!

9/13/2009

 I started writing a "To Do" list of things I want to do in life.  Here's what I have so far:

-watch every movie on the AFI top 100
-visit the McDonald's at EuroDisney
-tear down the Berlin Wall

-Write book of eerie yet slightly vague predictions (to be written in limerick form as Nostradamus pretty much exhausted the quatrain when it comes to anthropological soothsaying. thanks a lot, Nostradamus. limerick form is lame and will probably belie the gravitas of my clairvoyant assertions.)

-find a cure for gravity
-kill Moby Dick

-learn to ride a vegan

-learn what "vegan" means

-Die (even if it's the last thing I do)

-come to accept that it's not butter

-have a breakfast dish named after me (something with eggs.  Or whatever, I'd be cool with any breakfast item they want to name after me.  not crumpets.)

-live in a box car

-compare affection of pet rock vs. real rock

-coin new curse words when the current ones become too relevant to offend people

-design an ethnicity

-record sitcoms written by Chuck Lorre so I can pause and read those notes he flashes after the credits

-find out what happened to Dave Matthews' songs #1-#39

-curb my enthusiasm

-brag about myself to Bono

-lionize the plight of the African Mantled Colobus

-invent my own system for Braille

-take up the ongoing search for Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman's murderer
...I may add more.  -Fharp

6/13/2009

Our new website is launched. The new site features our song and video of the week as well as the stash box which archives our videos and music. The stash box also gives our fans access to band photos and song lyrics. So check back weekly to see the latest from Funkharp. Don't miss out on what everyone will be talking about tomorrow.